Use one of these to buy a PlayStation.

How would you like to be a good boy consumer buying garbage you don’t need to facilitate your credit score while simultaneously earning rewards points that can be redeemed for strictly Microsoft sanctioned video games and service subscriptions at XBOX?

April Fools might be seven months away but that hasn’t stopped God from sending his silliest clowns to do the toughest jobs, Microsoft have announced in collaboration with Barclays, an XBOX themed credit card tailor made for American gamers to redeem worthless rewards points at

I was I was joking because the entire concept sounds absolutely retarded, the XBOX Game Pass as a live service is already extremely popular and lucrative, but I guess Microsoft really wants you into their subscription based nonsense and censorship riddled ecosystem.

Use money that is not your own to purchase fake digital games on a locked down ecosystem that can easily be taken away from you in a heartbeat if you were to offend protected minority groups on XBOX and get your account banned.

The entire world is seemingly run on debt, especially in the “land of the free” where even despite paying off your credit cards in a timely manner your credit score is penalized for simply closing your credit card accounts, consumer spending seemingly breaches new heights each and every year (and so does theft) and Microsoft wants to capitalize upon that.

Xbox Insiders can get their hands on an illusive XBOX credit card from September 21st while normal people will have to wait until an undisclosed time in 2024 before they can “save” money by spending it.

Obviously, an XBOX themed credit card is tailored towards gamers and fanatics alike, and as a result Microsoft is extending their so called generosity by giving you five times the rewards points through purchases made on the Microsoft store, you’ll own nothing and be happy with the abundance of digital games at your disposal.

Because you’re obviously a consumer who loves digital goods, streaming platforms such as Netflix and Disney+ earn you three times more rewards points than regular spending, so now you can enjoy multitudes of live action series’ that bastardize history such as Netflix’s Cleopatra or bastardized Japanese media in the form of whatever live action adaptation you prefer, my personal favorite is Death Note.

And because you’re the type of guy who’d buy a gamer credit card to buy Microsoft goods and services, you’re probably some sort of lazy slob, Microsoft has you covered on that account because if for whatever reason you have to go outside into the physical realm, delivery services such as DoorDash will also generate you three times the rewards points that can eventually be redeemed to pay for a month’s worth of Game Pass subscription.

Now now, if you were actually wise with your spending and are actually able to put your hard earned money away into savings, you can legitimately make money by simply creating credit card accounts through their lucrative cash back offers.

Because Debt is the most consistent way of building credit, which is a fucking funny irony if you ask me, for those of us without mortgagees or loans to pay it’s nonsensical but very much worth it.

Multitudes of credit cards out there offer no annual fees and selective cashbacks on everyday necessities such as groceries or petrol, the Citi Custom Cash and Chase Freedom Flex come to mind, some offer large cashback offers providing you spend around $1500 or there abouts, so if you were thinking about buying a new TV or anything else it wouldn’t hurt to procure a credit card for that singular purchase alone.

So, what does the XBOX credit card offer as a signup bonus?

A bonus of 5,000 worthless rewards points, allegedly with a $50 value, a far cry from others potential $200 cashback offerings, three months worth of Game Pass Ultimate which is also worth around $50 in value, however this only applies to those who haven’t already signed onto Game Pass.

Those that already have a Game Pass subscription are up shit creek without a paddle, you may as well give your bonus away of which Microsoft “generously” suggests you do.

You can also check your credit score for free, WOW. Who cares.

Choose one of five selective card designs with your unique XBOX gamer tag embroiled on the plastic to flex with your “dude bros” down at the muscular manly man arcade, and that’s about it.

Though I’d personally pay to see someone use their XBOX credit card, embroiled with their gamertag of xX_MasterQueef_Xx to the cashier at McDonalds, I could die happy then.

This is the credit card for the most loyal and crazed fanatical gamer, especially with high APR rates from 20.99% to 31.99% Microsoft can take this worthless hunk of plastic and stick it up their ass.