New Square Enix slop just dropped.

The second actual installment of Square Enix’s bastardized remake of Final Fantasy VII has been revealed and will be a temporary “exclusive” on Sony’s PlayStation 5 console for all of just three months.

It has been well established by now that Square Enix are hemorrhaging cash and their only saving grace is to seemingly milk out the Final Fantasy franchise to death with the censorship ladled FF7 remake being awash with woke centric revised additions such as subverting the Honeybee Inn from a brothel to a friendly cabaret club featuring enticing homosexual dancing with a crossdressing Cloud.

Seemingly with each new release of Final Fantasy sales are dropping lower and lower, despite the fact that Square Enix altered Tifa’s breasts and attire alongside modernizing Final Fantasy VII for modern and more woke audiences, the game has managed over seven million copies sold to date.

Which is down on FF15’s meager 10 million copies sold, and considering how Square Enix as a company has lost 2 billion dollars since the release of Final Fantasy 16 I don’t have much hope for Rebirth.

Combined with timed exclusivity dealings with both Sony and Epic Games (on PC), Square are extremely desperate for cash. Final Fantasy VII’s remake is but only a small positive bump in the long road of failures stemming from Final Fantasy XV and now the recent XVI which isn’t just the most inclusive game in the franchise, featuring full on man on man lip locking but also has proven to be nothing but a financial burden on Square Enix too.

But obviously in the current year we couldn’t possibly imagine that Square Enix would be able to replicate such an intricate game like Final Fantasy 7 for the modern more action focused era, which is why they’ve essentially gone the route of segmenting the remake across multiple installations, essentially forcing players into becoming pay pigs if they want the full experience.

Final Fantasy VII Rebirth is the second mainline installation for the ongoing VII Remake, excluding the Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII REUNION prequel actualwhich only managed to sell little over 150,000 copies during its launch week.

Announced during Sony’s September State of Play, Final Fantasy VII Rebirth continues onwards from where the previous partial remake concluded, despite the fact that your save state and progression will not be transferable, the game is set to release as yet another fake Sony “exclusive” title on February 29th 2024 for the amazing standard sum of $70.

And will only be an “exclusive” for only three months as opposed to the year and a half wait for the previous installation to land on PC which just goes to show just how little consideration Sony has for FF7 Rebirth as opposed to the year plus long exclusivity deal for the initial remake.

But that’s only for the basic bitch standard edition, for the dedicated individual who loves to witness the decay of Final Fantasy in real time you can pre-order Rebirth from the Square Enix store featuring a Deluxe edition for only $100 and the collector’s edition for $350.

The contents of the $100 Deluxe edition includes a bonus art book, so you can see the highlights of censorship changes in both Tifa and Aerith, a mini soundtrack is provided in a lovely SteelBook® registered trademark cover casing that’s guaranteed to be made out of the finest tin available.

The $350 Collectors edition comes with a 19 inch statue of antagonist Sephiroth, alongside various DLC additions of armor and accessories.

Now then, onto the trailer.

Nothing has really changed considering how it’s reusing a lot of the same assets so rest assured that Tifa’s “tifa’s” will be kept to a bare minimum and are guaranteed to be jiggle free, tons of characters from the previous remake installation are set to return including another fantastical gay spectacle dance routine with Andrea Rhodea.


Once again it has to be said, the Honeybee Inn was a secret area featured in the original Final Fantasy VII that depicted a costume themed brothel featuring whores and drugs but the remake swiftly usurped the initial concept because prostitution is somehow sexist despite the fact that modern day whores (on OnlyFans) consider sex work as being legitimate work as they “own their own bodies” they don’t like to be treated as mere sex objects which is why they argue the point that being a sex object is somehow a valid occupation.

The Honeybee Inn featured in the remake changed dramatically, from a literal brothel to a cabaret club where you as Cloud cross dresses and have a big ol’ dancing spectacle with the flamboyant and totally not at all homosexual Andrea Rhodea.

Who is set to return with yet another dance routine in Final Fantasy VII Rebirth surrounded by other flamboyant men on stage.

More implied homosexual dancing and a censored Yuffie who after nearly 27 years has decided to not only button up her shorts but also wear a belt to keep said shorts from mistakeably falling down. This is a travesty of the highest proportion.

It also begs to question whether or not Square Enix will faithfully incorporate the Gold Saucer date between Cloud and Yuffie because heterosexual relations in the current year are considered vulgar and wrong.

Honestly at this point Square Enix is long dead, the Final Fantasy franchise as a whole is slipping in a downwards trajectory and has no plans on stopping anytime soon, there hasn’t been a remotely decent rendition since Final Fantasy X as the franchise entirely has been subverted into this Action focused JRPG with serialized partial remakes being pushed on consumers that continue to bastardize and dramatically change its contents to sooth the sensibilities of modern audiences.

The only people who continue to buy these games are younger idiotic audiences of consumers, actual fans of the franchise have long since written it off which is why each new staple release continues to tumble further and further downwards not only in terms of revenue and sales but reception too.

Final Fantasy VII Rebirth is guaranteed to be a greater success than that of Final Fantasy XVI but with a meager three months Sony exclusivity it doesn’t bode well in terms of sales for Rebirth as opposed to the first entry in the remake trilogy.